


Home

by Enx2103



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Touch-Starved, absence makes the heart grow fonder, he loves her so much it hurts, pinning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 08:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24348160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enx2103/pseuds/Enx2103
Summary: Inej has been away for a month. Kaz has a surprise for her.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 20
Kudos: 155





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**Author's Note:**

> Crooked Kingdom got me fucked up. I'm so deep in my Kanej feels. Here's a little angsty/pinning mess that my brain came up with. My first contribution to the fandom.

Kaz kept his room at the attic of The Slat. He removed the desk, having no need for it. He used Per Haskell's old office on the first floor for business purposes. His bedroom was just for him. It was where he would go to unwind after a long day of scheming and building his empire. Wylan and Jesper tried to get him to move into the Van Eck mansion. Or at least to find a place of his own. They said he had to find a better work-life balance. But they didn't understand. Kaz didn't have a life outside of The Dregs. He never could. And really, what was the point of having his own place? He spent most of his time at The Slat or roaming the streets of the Barrel, always working. And he didn't need any more space, he had very few material possessions. And he didn't need much more privacy either. It's not like he has a wife to come home to...

So at the end of the day, when all business was sorted, he would slowly make his way up the stairs to the attic. He let his eyes sweep around his bedroom, looking for any trace of her. But he wouldn't find one. She would be gone for another two weeks, at least that's what her last letter said. And he knew she was too far away to sneak a letter into his room like she used to. He missed those days. He missed her. He didn't know when it happened. But he felt it as soon as she was gone. He felt the ache, like a reflex, or an itch to reach for his cane. A physical tik. Could he live without it… without her? Of course. But it wouldn't be easy. Thankfully his cane was always within reach, but she wasn't. Not anymore.

He eyed his open window. He left it unlocked most of the time. What was the point of closing it? Even if he had locked it, she'd still be able to get inside, completely unnoticed. So he figured he might as well leave her an open invitation for whenever she returned to Katterdam.

Kaz sighed, closing the door behind him. He tried not to let the disappointment set in too deep. He walked over to his bed, setting his cane against his nightstand. And then he finally allowed his tense muscles to relax in the safety of his bedroom. Cautiously he laid his aching body into bed. It had been raining which always made his leg ache more than usual. He was too tired to wash up and change. He'd only allow his eyes to rest for a little while anyway. A gloved hand came up to pull at his tie, allowing him more room to breathe a little easier.

Finally comfortable, he took in a deep measured breath and let his eyes flutter shut.

Kaz did not rest. Not really. Once his subconscious started to fade... when his thoughts started to get blurry around the edges, he felt something. The silence got louder, if even possible. And heat ran down his spine. A familiar warmth he knew all too well. Without opening his eyes or even turning to look, he spoke.

"Step out of the shadows, Wraith." His voice was raspy, still thick with the illusion of sleep. He was pleased to hear his words come out even and leveled. His heart had started to race against his chest, but still he wanted to seem unaffected by her presence. The picture of calm and unphased.

God he was pathetic. Like a kid with a crush. A weakness. A liability that could be extorted. She had been used against him before. And it nearly broke him.

"Brekker," she replied. The sound of her voice made him shiver. It had been about a month since he had last set eyes on his beloved Wraith.

Slowly he opened his eyes and turned towards the window where he found her. He saw her petite frame laid along the windowsill; her favorite place where she use to feed the crows. She looked so relaxed like she had been there all evening, just waiting for him to return. His Wraith had finally come home once again.

Home? No, The Slat wasn't her home, and he knew it. He didn't want it to be her home. Her home was with her family, wherever they were. But maybe… Maybe Wylan and Jesper had a point. Maybe he needed his own place. A place where she could come and go as she pleased while she was in Katterdam. He knew she slept at the Van Eck mansion when she was in town… But what if she had another option? Would she want her own space? A room of her own? Probably. He could have do that… _be_ that for her. If she wanted it. But how did he even begin to ask? Or would he just find a place and move? Would she'd put two and two together?

He pressed the heels of his gloved hands into his eyes, making sure he was truly awake and that it wasn't just another one of his dreams. He had many of those since she left him the first time. Each dream always a little more intense… intimate. In his dreams, he was free. Free to touch her, to be touched. Free to love her, with his words and much as with his body. He preferred to be asleep, always finding it hard to get out of bed after a dream with her.

"You're here," he confirmed, sitting up. Slowly he swung his legs off the ledge of the bed to get a better look at her.

She looked the same as he remembered. Her skin a shade darker from all those days out in the sun on the deck of her ship. Her pitch-black hair was still just as long, draped down her shoulder, nearly reaching her waist, the shorter pieces peeking out. Her hood was pulled up, casting her face in darkness and shadows. She wore tight black breeches and her signature leather slippers. And strapped around her hips and thighs, he saw the harness that held some of her favorite weapons. The moonlight gleamed off the knife shiny blade, making it almost sparkle in the darkness of the night. He knew there were more weapons hidden out of eyes view, like a pair of brass knuckles. It was her normal uniform, but _still_. She was deadly and impossibly beautiful and he ached having her back.

"You don't look happy to see me," she said, tilting her head as if to get a better look at him. To see what a month away had done to him.

He felt uneasy having her knowing eyes study him so closely. Would she notice that he hadn't shaved? A dusting of scruff covering his face. Would she see the dark circles under his eyes from all the late nights? Working without her left him pulling longer hours for the same amount of pay off. He had been spoiled when she worked for him. If he would have known he was going to see her he would have to clean up. Gotten a haircut. Worn his new tie. Made sure to look his best for her. She didn't deserve the leftovers from a long day.

"I wasn't expecting you is all," he tried to explain. He wasn't going to tell her how much he missed her. That just wasn't him. But she needed to know that he _was_ happy to see her. Ecstatic actually.

"Well, I'll leave then," she countered, moving flawlessly to the tips of her toes in a crouch as if to jump out of the window and straight into the night. "I'll come by tomorrow. Sunrise?" she asked, a teasing tone in her voice. A challenge.

The idea of her leaving again so soon hit like a bullet in his chest. "Inej," he warned her. He said her name like a prayer and an explanation, all wrapped up in one. He used her name - her real name, sparingly. Because it meant something between them. It must have meant something to her as well because she closed her eyes for half a second. When she opened them, she jumped down from the window sill. Silently, as always. Her hood slipped off, giving him a better look of her face.

"Kaz," she replied. Her voice no longer teasing. No, it was almost... pleading. But for what exactly?

"I have a surprise for you," he admitted softly, a ghost of a smile pulling at the corner of his lip. But it was foreign because he's not used to smiling. To having something to smile about. He's not used to being happy. But somehow she pulled it out of him like a magician pulls a rabbit out of a hat. It's all a trick, a slide of hands, but he didn't care. "It's not ready yet. I thought I had two more weeks," he explained.

Her eyes went wide in the moonlight. "What kind of surprise?" His wraith hated surprises. But he always gave her the best ones and she knew it.

Kaz liked to think that he gave the best surprises. Like the knife, he had given her at the beginning of their partnership. And the ship. Even tracking down her family. But there was one thing that Inej wanted, that she had specifically asked for, that he wasn't quite ready to give… But Saints, he was _trying_.

"Come here." he finally said after a few beats of silence. She was still by the window, too far from where he sat on his bed. A few feet that felt like an ocean to him.

The Wraith didn't follow orders if she didn't want to. Even if he commanded her. But she obliged his request. Cautiously she walked over to him, her feet not touching the ground, so silent he had to believe she could float. She stopped two feet away from him, waiting.

"Closer," he coaxed her.

Hesitantly she moved to stand in the space between his legs. She was careful not to touch him.

Kaz sucked in a breath. She was close enough he could feel the heat radiating off of her. The faint smell of flowers reached him; the oils she used for her hair. And... cooper? Maybe a hint of blood still lingering on her knives. Nothing a normal man would notice. But Kaz wasn't a normal man. A normal man would also be afraid to have her so close. She was deadly. Lethal. Fast and quiet. The worst kind of killer.

He looked up at her, and she down at him. So much said between their eyes.

He thought he had weeks. But he'd work with what he had. Slowly he lifted his arms. One gloved hand reaching for the other. And one by one he pulled his gloves off each finger with the precision of a surgeon, all while staring into her brown eyes. Her eyes narrowed in confusion. But she didn't say a word. She wasn't looking at him. Her eyes glued to his movement. He repeated the motion with his other glove, setting the gloves beside him.

_"I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all."_

Inej couldn't fix him. Even with Rollins on the run, and Van Eck behind bars. Even with Jordie dead and gone….Buried in a metamorphic and physical plot that Kaz got for him. No, she couldn't fix him even after all of that. And he couldn't fix her. No matter how many men he killed for her. No matter what revenge plot he planed for Tante Heleen.

They couldn't fix each other. And they shouldn't. His problems where his own to work through. But he was finally working through them. He thought that getting Rollins would make the memories disappear. But it didn't. The touch repulsion remained. Which meant he actually had to work through his trauma...

Inej had seen him without his gloves dozens of times. She had been the only one to see his bare hands in years. Yet the act of removing them before her, ever so slowly and purposely was so intimate. It was like baring his soul to her. As if she hadn't already owned him entirely.

They had touched before. Skin to skin. _Lips_ to skin even. They had even held hands at the docks at sunrise when he had last surprised her. They had dozens of barely-there brushes that had set them both aflame. But what he intended to do, that was different and she could feel it in the air.

"Can I touch you?" he asked and his voice betrayed him by wobbling a tiny bit. Showing vulnerability, something Kaz 'Dirtyhands' Brekker, never showed. But in that moment he was just a man, hopelessly in love with a dangerous woman.

The question felt foreign on his tongue. He didn't touch anyone. And with his gloves on, he didn't ask permission. But this was Inej, who had gone through so much at the menagerie. She had her own trauma and he wasn't sure where she was in her recovery process. But he wouldn't cross any of her boundaries.

She nodded. Ever so softly he almost missed it.

He brought his bare hands to the curve of her waist, barley touching the fabric of her tunic. He held his breath as his hands curled around her body slowly applying more and more pressure till he was gripping her tight.

Touching her, over the fabric, had not been the issue. He had carried her in his arms when she had been hurt. She bled all over him, and he didn't give it a second thought because she needed him.

He was ok. Nervous, but ok. And she seemed to be alright. They were just about eye level. He pulled her even closer to him, pulling her into his personal bubble. The outside of her tighs pressed up against the inside of his own. And although there were layers of fabric between them, he felt the warmth of her against him.

He released a shaky breathe, tilting his head up to look at her. He wanted to kiss her. He so badly wanted to press his lips against hers. And he really thought he could do it. Without pulling away. Without fainting. Without being pulled out of the moment by a ghost.

It was a baby step. One that children innocently took advantage of. But he has been working hard while she was away. He wanted to be able to pull her into his arms when she came back. He wanted to pull her in close, kiss her and lover her in the way she deserved to be loved. In the way he deserved to feel. In the way he dreamed about. He had a few more lessons with Nina, so he knew he couldn't manage all of that just yet. But he had to try something. He had her there, so he had to at least _try_.

When he initially asked Nina for help, he thought she'd make any snide remarks about it. But she didn't. She knew that Kaz was trying to get better, and she would help in whatever way she could. So they practiced together. He felt naked when he took his gloves off in front of her the first few times. "Where are the claws?" she asked, sounding disappointed that first time. But eventually he managed skin to skin with Nina. A friendly hug. A meal together, passing plates of food. Normal things, just _gloveless_. But there were certain things he couldn't practice with Nina.

"You can touch me...If you want," he explained to Inej. He wasn't ready to relinquish the control he barely had on the situation. But the feel of her weight and warm hands, pressing into him, even over the fabric of his clothes would feel heavenly.

Her shakily hands came up from her sides and rested on his shoulder so gently he almost didn't fell them. He had never seen Inej shakey. He must have some effect on her too.

Slowly he inhaled, hands moving from her waist to curl around her middle. His palm pressed into her lower back, pushing her frame flush up against his.

"Kaz," she warned him.

"I know," he whispered, his voice suddenly coming out low and gruff. She set him on fire. Everywhere her body met his hummed to life and he couldn't think straight. His tounge slipped out to wet his lips. And he just _wanted_ …

There was always a scheme to get Kaz what he wanted. And this time, he had to pull the hiest on his own.

"Please," she whispered.

His heart shattered. Please what? _Please kiss me. Please stay with me. Please don't let me go. Please anchor yourself._

Slowly, ever so slowly, she moved, her head tilting down to meet his. As if she couldn't wait for him to make up his mind. His heart stopped; it skipped a beat. The rhythmic thump thump thump interrupted by the mear idea of what was about to happen. Was she really going to kiss him?

 _Saints please,_ he begged. And Kaz wasn't a religious man. But if there was anyone listening, Inej, and her gods and their proverbs, _please please let me have this moment_ he begged.

She stopped moving when they were only a hairline apart. Eyes burning into one another's. Breathe mingling in the inch between them, warm against their already flushed skin. He smelled the sweetness of what had to be waffles on her lips. He almost wanted to laugh knowing that he had been her second stop in Ketterdam. But he didn't care cause she was finally there, in his arms.

Given her bowed head, a curl of her hair fell free from the top of her braid. The tips of it dragging across his forehead in slow motion. And she went still as a statue.

Kaz let out a soft chuckle, tightening his hold on her body, letting her know that it was ok, that _he_ was ok. It was just hair. Slowly he reached up a hand to her face, not to push her hair away, no. To touch her. His index finger curled under her chin, tilting her mouth to the perfect angle. His thumb ghosted over her jawline gently. It was a feather-light touch, but he was touching her in a way he never had before. And it wasn't the first time but it was different this time.

"Kaz, _please_ ," she repeated. This time her eyes fell closed. He heard a sob in the back of her throat. And her lips, _Saints_ , her lips were parted. He saw the faint glow of a blush color her cheeks.

Kaz moved to press his lips against hers for the first time. He hoped he was doing it right. He knew that she had been kissed before. He knew she had many experiences that she had not enjoyed before. And then there was him...with zero experience, just a ton of yearning piled high to the brim. And he wanted to do it right.

He couldn't have imagined what her lips felt like against his. Pillowy soft and plump. Like a ripe peach in the heat of July. No, better than that. And the warm feeling that bubbled in the pit of his stomach... it was like the high of fulfilling a job, but better. He felt electricity shock through his system. Like a jolt of energy that came from chewing jurda, but better. He felt her body melt against his, soften. Like she was waiting for the perfect moment to fall apart.

But just as he was giving in to the feeling, to her, he felt the water threatening to steal him away. The cold water slipped between his toes like crashing waves at the beach. It always started slow, soft, and nonthreatening. The water reminding him of what had happened to him and his brother. But he knew it wasn't real. It was in the past. And he knew that it was ok not to be ok. And he knew he wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to die with Jordie. _Jordie_ had died... and he had been buried. He had passed, his spirit could rest easy now. Kaz had avenged him. And now it was time for Kaz to move on, to _live_.

 _Let me go, Jordie. Rest easy. And_ please _let me go,_ he begged the ghost that lingered.

Pushing the dark thought away, he kissed her. His lips pressed up against hers for as long as he could hold his breath. He was scared to breathe, scared to move, but the lack of oxygen burned his lung. And so he pulled away, only to inhale her sweet scent. He groaned, kissing her again. Her lips parted, allowing him to nip at her bottom lip. And then she was kissing him back, pressing closer to him, fingers digging into his shoulders like lifelines, but he relished the pain. It meant he was alive and he was grounded there in the moment with her. _Together_

"Suprise," he smirked when he eventually allowed himself to pull away from her mouth.

"Yeah," she breathed out, still dazed by their kiss. Her eyes searching his for some sort of answer. "Suprise."

**Author's Note:**

> Did you just read ~3k worth of build up ...only to read about their first kiss? Yes, yes you did. You're welcome.
> 
> "I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all." is a direct quote from the book.


End file.
